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(9 agrees | Emma stuffs) [03 Nov 2004|06:37pm] [ mood | PISSED THE HELL OFF!!!! ] This, my friends, is a truely intelligent political rant. THANK YOU ALAINA.   I can't, and WILL NOT accept the fact that he's our president for another 4 years. I'm sorry. I just can't. People are saying "Well, he's the president and theres nothing we can do now...." bull shit. We can do plenty. We can hate him with all our might, and hopefully help other people see the light. My mom is so depressed. And both my parents are pissed. I will rage on any person who walks up to me and says "Yay Bush won!" Nothings holding me back from inflicting some serious physical pain on that person. This stupid football jock asshole type character of a guy is in my sign language class at the stupid public high school, and today me and my good friend Jessie were discussing the election and how it's hopeless and that Bush basically won (this was in the morning, before Kerry conceded) and he turns around and goes "Yes!" and we were like "Uhm, excuse me?" And he's like "I'm so glad Bush won! I always harassed the people with Kerry signs on the street..." and I was like "WTF? Why? Why the hell do you like Bush?" And he just kinda didn't really answer and he turned back around in his seat all satisfied and smiling like he just said something really super awesome and cool. And I said, super loud, "I freaking hate people like that. Seriously I hate them. The ones that go "I love Bush!" without reason. Freaking idiots." hahaha and I KNOW he heard me. Idiot. I doubt he's educated in areas of politics AT ALL. The only reason he probably likes Bush is because "Duuhh, gay people are weird and dudes should not like other dudes because it's unmanly like and duhhh, Bush rox!1one" *kills* I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   RAGE!!!!

(5 agrees | Emma stuffs) [04 Oct 2004|08:19pm] I got Giselle pictures today, and so I'm gunna post a few!     ( Excuse the chubby cheeks and cankles... )

(8 agrees | Emma stuffs) [30 Sep 2004|11:13pm] [ mood | crazy ] Omgosh, wow. I haven't updated in years! I'm so sorry, I've been busy like woah. 6 hours of dance today. SIX!!!!! Why haven't I dropped dead yet? AHhhhhhhHhhhHHhhh, this week has been C-R-AZY. Emotionally I mean. People have been giving my self esteem a good kick in the ass, and it's made me go a little coo-coo. I think today and yesterday have been the only days I haven't cried since...*counts*...last Friday. Yah. It's bad. I get so depressed sometimes, that I just want to sit and cry and not do anything. This happens to post a problem with the school deal. Homework? Not gettin done. Well, yes it get's done, but LAST MINUTE and then it's crap work. But I can't really help it. I won't LET myself do it, I just sit and mope and feel sorry for myself. And I think, Uhh hey Jill, member that thing called homework? Yah, it's due tomorrow. Do I do it? No. I sit here until last minute (meaning somewhere around midnight) to actually even start it. I love getting lost in books (sharp change in subject) and I am completely lost in The Abarat. I had set it down for awhile and was planning on picking it up soon enough, and last night I was a little bored so I decided to continue reading. Yah, I got officially hooked. I was reading chapter after chapter at 1:30 in the morning, I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN! I was dead tired, and my eyelids were screaming at me to let them shut, but I couldn't! Can I just say right now that I LOVE Candy Quackenbush(<--thanks Meg ;-)). She is SO kick ass. Omgosh, I wish I had the balls to say what she does sometimes. I probably do have the guts, I am just never put in the situations that she is. Right now she has been obducted by that creepy guy with the many hats, and I'm scared for her. Ew. This guy is just downright weird. He beets the Halloweenish guy...and now I'm just talking outta my butt right? Haha nobody probably knows what I'm talking about (cept Meggers). Soooo now I'm gunna go finish Mary-kate's homework. I'm sorry Mary-kate, this is probably gunna suck. My brain doesn't want me to be creative so it's gunna be....*sigh*....bad. :-\ I'll try my hardest though.   <3 Jilly

(13 agrees | Emma stuffs) Dun dun dun dun dun dun!!! Put in another movie, have a cup of tea. [14 Sep 2004|11:28pm] [ mood | crappy ] Soooooo, I'm a Vampire and a Witch. Hmm.   No silly, those are my roles in "Dracula." Sound interesting right? Well, the Vampire dance will be exciting because it's only 3 girls, and one of them is emdancerr629 !!!! *napoleon voice* YESSSSSSSSSS. Also, it's a jazz dance! And I <3 <3 <3 <33333333333 jazz. The Witch role is with 3 other girls, all of whom are nothing alike. We came to the conclusion that the dance has something to do with tap, because we are basically the only 4 girls that can tap at the studio. But then, Hayley (one of the girls) said she heard it's going to be tapping on pointe? WTF?! Can you say OW?! I can hardly jump on my toes, let alone tap on them. So, we'll see how that goes...   I came to the conclusion just about, now, that Wendy is basically favorite fictional character ever. I love EVERYTHING about her. I admire her personality, and edginess. I dunno, it's weird, but true. I would love more then ANYTHING to play her in the show "Peter Pan." But, I don't know of any place nearby that's putting that show on now, or in the near future. I wish I was Wendy.   I have a lot of homework to do. I have to read a chapter in Chemistry before tomorrow, and write up my CD thing. Plus more that I can't think of. *sigh* I truely truely hate school. No ballet tomorrow, I have pilates instead. So, thats a break. I think.   <33

(17 agrees | Emma stuffs) Ladidaaaa [13 Sep 2004|10:45pm] [ mood | crazy ] I made a request at peterpan_icons  the other day, and hells_icons responded with every single picture I asked for, and not only that, but different views/shots of them. I was in awe. I couldn't believe somebody actually wanted to do that for me! LOL! The icons are here:    Look at them...   hehe I'm so excited to use them!!!! *goes to upload some now*   Today was a good day. Ballet, jazz. All was good. I don't have school on Tuesdays so *sigh* I get to have a nice schleep-in tomorrow. Also, the cast list for "Dracula", the next show I'm doing (which is a ballet, oddly enough) goes up tomorrow. It's obviously going to be performed around Halloween (whooppeee). Actually, I think one of the performences is ON Halloween. Nice. What little kid is gunna go see that when they could be out getting free freaking candy? Not me. Haha watch, I'm probably gunna end up skipping out of the show just so I can gallop down my child-free neighboorhood and collect the candy, all so I can gain even MORE weight from not being in the show. :-D my imagination is so vivid...not. Damn, I have to sew pointe shoes. Oh, and thats right, idiot Jillian lost her "sewing kit" (was actually a plastic bag full of needles and thread) and now I dono what to do. And I have variations tomorrow, and if I'm not on pointe, well, that's basically just handing Ms. Vera my death on a platter. I'm sure she'll be pleased...*can picture her rubbing palms together and coming up with evil plan to ruin my life* not like she already hasn't...   I have a giant pimple on my back and it hurts like a mo-fo. TMI?   Im SO obsessed with Peter Pan. Last night/this morning I uploaded the ENTIRE movie screen captures. This one girl capped them all and put them on her folder so I now have them on my computer. Theres literally probably 300. It's great. :-) Now all I need is PSP so I can actually DO something with the pictures I have on my computer. I can't wait for October 26th!!!!! (*cough* my 17th birthday *cough*)   I hope I get a good part in Dracula. GRR I shouldn't be saying that. I keep telling myself that the only reason I haven't left Vera's is because I'm dancing for ME. Not for her, or for anyone else, but for ME. And that I'm only doing the shows to keep myself strong, and not for the goal of trying to get good parts. Because, I only get let down.   I don't even want to talk about it. Nope, no, I won't. Today is too happy of a day for me to end it with a depressing rant. I'm gunna probably go watch a movie with my sister and her/my friend Amanda. So...talk to you all later!   ITS SO COOL ThAT YOU CAN BURN CD'S ON WINDOWS MEDIA! AHH! I LOVE MY LAPTOP!!! *hums to music*   <33333 Jilly

(19 agrees | Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:18am] It's raining really hard. I just got finished watching Ned Kelly. Incredible movie. Why are the depressing movies always the unforgetable ones?   writish303: Have you ever seen Ned Kelly? emdancerr629: orlandos movie? writish303: yes writish303: obviously not then writish303: I just watched it. Wow, was that ever depressing. emdancerr629: haha oh no@! writish303: Member how I said I haven't been able to cry lately? Well, this one part at the end of the movie, omg. It hurt me so much, I wanted to sit and ball and cry for hours. But my sister was there, and so I just kind of sobbed a little, made some noises...I tried to hold it back. I didn't want to hold it back, but I didn't want to cry hard in front of her. I wanted to leave and come in my room and cry, but I had to see the rest of the movie. i was hoping maybe I'd be able to cry later tonight, but I can't. It just won't come back. writish303: And I just read my friends journal and she made a tribute to 911 and people were commenting telling there stories about where they were on that day, and I wrote out my story and it just made my heart and stomach hurt. And I thought "oh, maybe I'll cry now" but noppe. I'm numb.   Didn't feel like retyping what I felt about it, so there's that.   Wow, I'm kinda getting freaked out. I can actually hear the wind howling.   How depressing is this day? And how horrible is it of me to just not want it to come, for it to pass and not have to worry about it? People are probably going to mourn, cry, pray...does it make me a terrible person to not have to emotional energy to do that? Not even considering the fact that I can't cry on my own, let alone around other people. I used to be able to cry so easily! I want to cry! I don't think I've ever said that to myself before, in my life. WANTING to cry? But I do. I think it would help me. It almost took over me how much I needed to cry (during that one part at the end of Ned Kelly) To describe the part, it was when the 2 brothers were being burned alive inside a building, and they both had only one pistol left in there guns. When they were saying they were going to shoot each other, they were like heaving and crying and it just made me hurt SO bad. And then, when the one boy shot himself and the brother was holding his head and rocking him back and forward and crying, and then took his gun and shot himself. Wow. I don't know how and why that got to me, but it was like a firecracker was inside my chest and it wanted to explode and burst out. That's actually EXACTLY how it felt. Hm. Tomorrow I have auditions for IYB, wtf? Anyway, I guess I have to go. Then I think I'll be going over to Emily's to watch Lord of the Ring's commentary and such. Maybe some Harry Potter? What about Peter Pan? I'm a dork. I'm gunna ask her if we could do something as a tribute to 911. Although I don't feel like it, I will. I can't bare myself enough as it is, and adding stubbornly bitchiness on a day like this is just, stupid of me. Alright, I'm going to go to bed now. I'll talk to you all later.

(5 agrees | Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:15am] AH! EL JAY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!   I've been trying to update the entire night. *sigh* Alright...   I've had SUCH an amazing day. Well, no, thats exaggerating. It was really busy, which is probably why it was great because I didn't have much time to think. 4 bloody hours of ballet. 4!!! In ONE day. It's insane. 1 hour of private, then I come back for 1 and a half hours of ballet class which was, *sigh* amazing. hahaha um, quoting from TTT commentary which I'm sure you won't get UNTIL I POST IT! ACK! Then 1 and a half hours of PARTNERING which was, *sigh* TERRIBLE! Well, not SO horrible. But the guy I partnered with was really great. We didn't do any lifts today, but we did this thing where I stand with my arms up and he grabs me around my waist and tilts me to the side so that it's kind like a dip, but ballet style. So basically, just really clean and straight lined. I seriously have trust issues when it comes to partnering, and I was spazzing out. I kept making these weird faces and grunting noises cause I was SO afraid he was going to drop me. But in the end, it was really good. I CAN'T believe he could hold my weight like that *is amazed* and he was SO enocouraging. We did this one move where I hold his hand and am on pointe, and one leg is in attitude in the back and he has to promenade me and I REALLY just could not keep my arm muscles strong and he just kept saying "It's okay, don't give up, common...common, don't give up!" It made me feel a lot better that he was trying to help. Most guy's don't say anything. And then the BEST thing happened EVER. I TOUCHED LUSHKIN!!!!! *faints*....................................*is revived by Emily* "Jillian, fuhgeddaboudit, it was only his hand....he touched MY waist..." *kills* LOL. He TOUCHED MY HAND! AHHHHHH!!! I'm SUCH a fangirl it's pathetic. I went to work with Ryan on that one step I just mentioned, and Mr. Luskin came over and said "O no no no, it is wrong...I show you" And then he did it with me and the only place you have to touch the guy in that move is on his hand, pity we didn't do the other step. *cries* But I was being a spazz cause I couldn't hold my arm straight, and he was like "Common! Keep arm muscles tight! Common!!!" And then I basically just made this huge GRUNT noise and spazzed my face and fell over. I am SOO smooth. "So basically what your saying is the hair stops there?" hahaha don't ask. I had SO much fun with Emily today. I ramble on and on when I've had a good day. You probably aren't even reading this! EEEEEEIIIII!!!! Ballet was hilarious though, I couldn't control myself. I was OUT OF CONTROL hyper and it was scary. I almost shit myself from laughing so hard. And Emily had to stay away from me because she had to pee and I kept "making funnies". We tried to count how many time's Mr. Lushkin said "Yeh? You know, yeh?" It's uncountable. I swear...that man.... I'm feeling a lot better since yesterday. Writing it out like that REALLY helped, it's theraputic. Especially all the comments I got, I really really do love you guys. I have to post the Dom & Billy quotes I wrote down...effing hilarious...   ( Skip if not LOTR fan, if not? You should die. :-D )

(2 agrees | Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:12am] I really am depressed, and I don't care how many people say it's EMO or mainstream of me to say so. It's a disease and it's eating me up. I don't have to take medicine or go to a doctor to know that I'm depressed. It hurts. Everywhere. It hurts all the time and all over. I can't get a hold of myself, it's in my brain...my heart. I can't control what I think anymore. When I'm alone, there's nothing I can do to stop the insane idea's that go through my brain. I can be normal in public and have fun with my friends, but it's getting way to hard to put up that facade. This world is so screwed up. And the people in it are screwed. Can anybody win? It's a routine that goes in circles. I'm sick of it all, I really really am. Everybody has there little groups, there cool people, the stupid people, the geeky people. Everybody thinks they're right, and everybody else's opinion of everything else is wrong. It's just screwed up.     AFLAGH:LWEGHW:EILGHEWLGHSE:LGJKHES:LGKJEHSLGKJE     I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Why can't I be NORMAL!? I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I thought these feelings were gone. They never left, I was just covering them up. I would never kill myself. That's not even in the question. It's just the pain I'm going through is uncontrollable. I sit here in my room and just think, and feel pain, and then think again, and then feel pain again. And my friends are so great, they understand. And then there are the friends that AREN'T so great, and don't understand. Like the stupid people who call me to hang out and I just have to keep making up excuses not to see them and I end up feeling bad but I don't want to GO anywhere.   I can't decide if dance makes it better, or worse. I do feel worse when I'm not dancing, but when I am dancing, all that goes through my brain is "I'm fat, I need to be skinnier like her, I need to be better then that person, I have to prove to everyone that I'm better..." And it's just not HEALTHY. But I can't stop the thoughts!!!!!!   I'm starting therapy. It makes me angry that I have to be the one who ask's for it. Shouldn't my mom just FIGURE it out? I mean, she supposedly "knows" me so well. Can't she tell I'm unhappy? Yeah she can tell that I'm always angry, but that's nothing. She probably just thinks I'm this complete out of control bitch who needs to get her attitude checked at therapy. I tell her it's because of deperession, but she doesn't get it. Nobody does (or atleast it feels that way)   "I never knew emotional pain could hurt so physically" I came up with that the other night when Erin and I were having this big huge discussion about depression. She's on medications.   It's not some trend, people. Being depressed isn't something that should be "in" or "out" or "cool" or "not cool." It's a frikkin brain disfunction. A chemical inbalance. It's not something you can choose to have. It's not a joke, it's not funny...and it shouldn't be thought of as. Please don't take any of this personally. This was just a rant that I couldn't keep inside any longer. I really do love all of you...I just need to figure out how to love myself.

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:12am] Doesn't he look SO much like Elijah Wood did when he was little? It's freakin me out...   I am going to make some icon requests because I know many of you gorgeous girls are quite talented at it. I'm in this mood right now so excuse the depressiveness.   ( I'm hungry... )

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:11am] Courtesy of the lovely veelaoferised  herself. Go on! Go put it in your user infy-o...all the cool kids are doing it. AND PLEASE UPLOAD TO YOUR OWN SERVER, REQUEST OF LAUREL! WE ALL LOVE HER SO DON'T BUST UP HER BANDWIDTH ALRIGHTIZZLE?!   I would love to make a real post but I'm so tired it's hard for me to keep my eyes open. This is pretty much what it's gunna be like for awhile for me because of dance being so damn physically challangeing for me. *sigh* Here goes the pain...   <333

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:10am] I'm so tired it hurts!!!!   Yes, that's all.   Goodnight all.   <3

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:10am] Can't...get...upset...men...must...not...run...my...life... I HATE MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *stabs* Okay now...I'm going to try to bring my spirits up before the party...*sigh*

(2 agrees | Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:07am] Guess what girls?!??!    PARTY OVER HERE! WHOOP WHOOP!   That's right, I'm having a party at my journal. It's gunna last the whooolllle weekend. I decided to have it start on Saturday, which mean's I'll start it at midnight tonight because I have no life and will probably be sitting at my computer waiting for the clock to chime 12, and then I'll bust out my party hat and...   Yeah. You get the point.   But you're ALL invited and PLEASE DO COME! I promise I won't letcha down...;-)   ( And a rant behind the cut because I want to keep the party mood up!! )

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:07am] I'm officially really, REALLY cool. Peter Pan just made me cry. That's right, there were tears. *sob*   I send out my love and good luck to everyone on my Friends list who's stuck in a hurricane. I hope you all make it out of there safely! *prays*   Um, yeah...that's my update. Pointless I know but I just had to do it.   DONT DEFLiST ME BECAUSE MY POSTS ARE POINTLESS!   Psh, like you would. *hopes*   haha   <3

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:06am] ( Read more... )

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:05am] Just curious. Which are you? Republican, Democratic, or Liberal? I'm bored mmk? And I just wanna get to know my friends list as best I can. :-D By the way, just popped in the Peter Pan DVD. BORED I AM NO MORE!!!

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:02am]   ( The pictures you've all been waiting for!!!!!!!!!!! )

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|01:01am]   On the day we visited the Pirates of the Caribbean ship, we went to Cuchina Cuchinas. We drew our favoritist pictures on the table with crayons. haha.  And here they are: Our Jack Sparrow! ARRRR!! SWASH SWASH BUCKLE BUCKLE! My dad's version of the beautiful ship And then theres my version. hahaha I'm screwd up. haha

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|12:58am] [ mood | excited ] I had the most amazing day today. You all have seen Pirates of the Caribbean right? Okay, you know the ship called "The Intercepter" ? The one that Johnny and Orli commendeer and take to Tortuga? Well, the real name of that ship is Lady Washington and it was made in Seattle. It's here this weekend, and so my POTC and Johnny D obsessive friend Erin and I went down there to squeee.   It was SOOO cool. We were like hypervenilating before we even got on. The crew was dressed in pirate clothes. The ship was a lot smaller then I pictured it, but it was gorgeous just the same. haha we took SO many pictures. Kissing the ship, pointing at things...and OMG. You guy's remember the part where Captain Jack Sparrow knocks Orli off the boat with that "boom" it's called, and he's hanging over it right above the water? Well, we touched it. YES! WE TOUCHED IT! (god I'm such a fangirl) We took pictures hanging onto it hahaha it was great. Then we started talking to the crew members, and we figure out that some of them were actually involved in the MAKING of the movie. One of the crew members pointed out another crew member with blondish hair and this weird goatee and told us that he was actually IN the movie Master and Commander, and immediatly I thought "BILLY!" So we went to go talk to him about that. I asked him if he knew Billy Boyd and he said "Oh yeah, he's SUCH an amazingly cool guy. We had to train him to use the boats and he was really good at it and stuff." I was just in awe "guuuuh...Billy...Boyd..." And he also met Johnny Depp when he was working on POTC. You can imagine how Erin started freaking out. But the guy said Johnny is a really nice, down to earth guy. And he treats everybody with respect. I can totally picture that, that's EXACTLY how I imagined Johnny to be. Of COURSE I had to ask about Orli. I said "What about Orlando Bloom?" And he turned around to go work on something on the ship and he kind of mumbled..."Um...Orlando Bloom..." with this kinda like "I don't care to much for him" tone. It made me sad. Later on we asked the other crew member guy about Orlando, and he goes "Omgosh! Orlando's such a priss!! He wouldn't climb any of the masts and just sat around. Johnny on the other hand was doing all of the stuff..." That's so sad guys! And it doesn't make any sense! I thought Orlando was a daredevilish type of person! I mean, he skydives and bungee jumps...I'm just so confused. But that was my exciting day. IM SO FREAKING THRILLED!!!!!!     I got MSN today...if any of you guys have it, add me. My name is all4dancin24@comcast.net . I want to know your screen names too!   <33

(Emma stuffs) [11 Sep 2004|12:56am] I think I am in love with my ex-ex-ex boy friend still.   He was my boyfriend in 6th grade, we dated for a year. I loved him. Yah, I was young...but I also knew love. And I loved him.   I broke up with him in 7th grade because I had to "meet new people." Truth was, I was shallow and stupid and didn't think he was good enough for me anymore.   Biggest mistake of my life.   And off and on ever since we dated, I have liked him again. I've ALWAYS had feelings for him though, I've never stopped.   And today I saw him in Woodinville and he came over and talked to us (me, Tessa, erin, Karin) and I just smiled at him and he smiled at me and it brought back memories. It hurts me heart to think about it. I have this virus thing on my mouth because the dentist got an infection in my mouth when they injected the numbing medicine in...and so I have these big ooozing scars all over my mouth, and my lips are swollen and red and i have big ichy bumps all over them. So, when I was talking to ____ , I was covering my mouth the whole time. He said, "Why are you covering your mouth?" And I explained about the mouth thing. And he said, "Show me" and I said "Noooo!" And he said "No it's okay I won't laugh, I promise." and he said it in the sweetest voice ever. He invited us to go out to lunch with him tomorrow, and I think I might take him up on that offer. I miss him so much. I love him.

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